Halloween?

I was sitting with my friend Clint today and we were talking about the levels of excitement about Halloween vs. age. We made an imaginary chart. That's how serious it was. Charts in the air. As infants we are put in whatever cute outfit Baby Gap/Gymboree/KMart had. Many of the results were: vegetables, bugs, animals, other babies. In elementary school, halloween becomes a sport. Everyone works so hard to be the best plastic Barbie face they can be. As you get older, it becomes a little dumb. But a new costume fad is on the rise: that of the slutty costume. More on that later. In High School and college it then rises to uproarious levels of costumery (and sluttery). Then I think we get too tired or lazy or our boobs sag to much to be slutty. Even the men.

Soon I will need to get back to my own Halloweening ways. I will be meeting up with friends and yet again I will need to regail them with my talent in costumery. This is becoming a difficult endeavor. I have had a small crisis of sorts in the thought of this. Causing me to reach back into the vault of past costumes:
-Age 3--> My parents put me in pajamas that my Uncle got from China and then gave me
pigtails. Making me "Chinese Girl"
-Age 4---> Juggler. I fake juggled stuff. And I had pointy shoes.
-Age 7---> The most disturbing by far. Old Lady. I later found out that this "homeade"
costume was actually clothing left over from the lady we bought the house from. She was dead. My parents put me in a dead lady's clothing.
-Age 9--> Peter Pan. My mother made me a felt hat. And a baby sister. Thats why it was lackluster
-Age 12--> A girl with the poodle skirt. Notice the immense decline in awesomeness.
-Age 20--> Velma from Scooby Doo. I cut my own wig and went shopping at Goodwill for the entire costume.
-Age 21--> One of the best. It was a two night endeavor with the first one being my friend Andrew (I was able to attain his clothing and affinity for glow sticks) and the next night I was "future Andrew"which I interpreted as "Drag Queen" This mean that I was a woman being a man being a woman. The single best Drag Costume ever.
--> Bjork. I made my Swan Dress from White Stockings and my roommates white skirt. I didn't even need a name tag.

As you can see, I have a reputation to uphold. I usually get an idea within a week of the event. Here are the rules:
-Must be funny. No cute. Those are for losers.
-No Sluts. The only thing scary about this is the amount of VD this woman might have.
- No Tongue and Cheek type costumes. Douches wear these. (See below)
*Note this man in holding up his "guns".
IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE HER VAGINA IS THE LOCK.
If you have an ideas let me know. That will in turn tell me what you would want to be and I will steer clear of that.